Grumpy

Hi all.

It has been a while since I wrote a post in my blog.... one of the many things that I have started and failed to keep on top of.

Today, the 01st of December 2013 I put a post of Facebook questioning why people have already put their Christmas decorations up. I really cannot understand putting them up so early. Surely it ruins the atmosphere having them up for long. It seems that all of the seasonal holidays are no longer seasonal. Roll on December 26th and look for the Easter eggs. Then the day after Easter look for the Halloween costumes and fireworks then on 6th November back to the Christmas decorations and planning and multiply until the end of time.

For making this `Humbug` statement I was informed that people are getting bored of my grumpiness. Firstly, I am grumpy and get over it, I couldn't care less (although I could, nae should, heed my own advice and stop being grumpy) Secondly, it was a question hence the `?` Lastly, all of my Facebook friends know exactly where the unfriend button is as has been proven by one of, who I used to class as one of my closest ACTUAL friends. I am now blocked from all forms of communication.

It is a well  known and recorded fact that I am, at all times, not in the best of moods, some would say grumpy or angry. This is exacerbated by the following:

1). Grumpy people. Yes I am fully aware that I am in this category but there are types of grumpy people that annoy me.
2). Spoilt people.
3). Lazy people
4). Rich people
5). Smart people
6). Overly happy people
7). Pretentious people

I have worked from a very young age and it has put me in a very good position of appreciating money, employment, helping other people and job satisfaction. It has also taught me how to manage people, workplaces, time and resources. The you get people who have done nothing but menial jobs and continue to do so and expect things to happen for them or get given things in return for doing nothing or very little. Do not get me wrong, if people are working and continue to do so but at the same time struggle on the very little they earn and work as many hours as they can with little or no luxuries and still fail to make ends meet then please feel free to be grumpy. People who have inherited money or won the lottery/pools/bonds and have enough in the bank to not to worry about the odd BIG shop, holiday/s, luxuries, however still moan either about working or moan about having very little or fret about money then no, do not moan. Again, please do not misunderstand me fretting about money is a good thing. Overly happy people just frustrate me, how can someone be happy all the time? Calm down take a look around and see what is really going on around you. Smart people scare me and jealousy plays a huge part in my grumpiness. Pretentious people..... well they are really a mixture of all of the above. Example :- "Hi, my name is Xavier, I am having an awful time working at my dad's company in the copy room. My dad got me this job when I finished my University course at Elite University. The bills at my parents Chelsea pad are getting silly I may have to cancel meeting with the guys this Wednesday and go Friday instead. Pay day can't come quick enough I need to buy my lottery tickets. Mind you not long to go before I get given the house and will be in the directors chair and make other people do the copying because I can"

I am in a very lucky position whereby I have an amazingly smart and beautiful wife who has given.me a beautiful and again smart daughter. I have a job that is challenging, worthwhile and a stepping stone to the next stage in my career. I have a positive outlook on life in general. One day I will be something worthwhile. I earn just enough money to pay the bills. I have some amazing friends albeit I can count them on one hand and perhaps they do not reciprocate the sentiment.

I am grumpy because it seems no matter how hard I try I never seem to get to the next milestone while others beat and exceed theirs be it financial, material, work, sporting, home. I am naturally competitive and maybe that is slowly becoming a detrimental trait.

I want what is best for my wife and my daughter. I need to work as much as I do with all the overtime and private work. I need to be there for them in mind, body, soul and financially. I will always be there for them no matter what. I am not too proud to accept any job as, when and if it comes to it. I do things for friends because I want to. I treat others as I would expect to be treated. I am so far from perfect it is untrue and I will never be. I talk about others but at the same time I would tell people what I have been saying if asked. I value honesty. I do not feel hard done by regardless of how this reads. I have desire and ambition and will conquer my overlying self-doubt.

I am grumpy and I know it.

On the plus side for all who question it I am looking forward to Christmas.

Bucket List

Bucket List

Read “1000 books you must read before you die”

• Eat at Le Manoir
• Meet Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
• Play a live music show
• Act in a film
• Record a song
• Go to
• Cambodia
• Singapore
• Vietnam
• New Zealand
• Canada
• China
• Japan
• Sweden
• Iceland
• Antarctica
• Russia
• Siberia

• See the Northern Lights
• Do a parachute jump
• See my daughter get married

All aboard!!

So................................................

Like the weather, things are about to change. For the better? I am not sure, I hope so, but change scares me. After four years I have turned into a professional settler. Not sure what change may bring, but change is good so they say. We shall see.......

Impending - Not long now, but a long time coming
Ambition - Personal ambition, future goals
Motorway - Long miles, long hours
Salary - Increase or decrease?
Opportunity - Will the world be my oyster?
Secret - A not so secret secret
Career - Potential for promotion
Alone - New place, new people
Reasons - No future? Deserved opportunity?
Emotions - Mixed feelings
Decisions - Right or wrong one?

But hey, all will come out in the wash

NUFAN

Will the world be my oyster? Who knows? I guess only time will tell.

When you're strange...

Fears

Most people have fears, some are obvious such as heights, spiders, panda bears. Others are not so 'every day'.

When I was younger I used to love watching scary movies, talking about the occult, unknown, UFO's, creatures of the night, nothing would scare me. I would happily walk through woods or fields with derelict barns and buildings in late at night with not a care in the world. 

And now?!?!I am nearly 30 and suffer from many MANY fears, fears I did not have as a child. Why? I do not know!

Clowns - I remember walking around the Chequers Centre in Maidstone as a little scrote of around 6 and this clown walking up to me on stilts. I cried and hid behind my mums legs and wouldn't come out at all. I have no idea where my fear of clowns come from but I know that I still have it to this day. That said, one of my favourite books and even films of all time is Stephen King's 'IT' an absolutely fantastic read and not a bad watch either. The sound of fairground music sends shivers down my spine and makes me want to crawl in to a ball somewhat reminiscent of a cheesey-bug! I recently worked at the Dreamland site in Margate and prior to commencement of the contract I have to carry out some investigatory site surveys....alone! I would have been in my element should I have been 15 again, but as a 28 year old....too much. The wandering around long empty corridors, countless rooms that seemed to procreate and just appear, the knowledge that it is an abandoned amusement park/funfair playing on my mind. I just waited to hear some carousel music start up....too much for me at times. Just to add, the whole place was pitch black and I only had a flashlight!.

One of our painter was painting in one of the rooms and swore a waft of perfume passed by him, EEEEK! 

















Spiders - I hate spiders. I will tread on them - if they are small, spray them with polish/bleach/deodorant/napalm/boiling water - if they are medium, and if they are large I will run the f**k away from them as quickly as my little hobbit like feet will take me. I know why I hate spiders too. I was at a party celebrating my Nan & Grandpa's anniversary (or it could have been my grandpa's retirement) There was a Black Forest Gateau, that is how long ago this was, sitting on a fridge in the outer kitchen area defrosting. It came to the time when we could eat said gateau. I was given a piece and felt something stick to my lips, and whatever it was was moving. I spat it out into my hand, it was a bloody great house spider that had burrowed into the gateau. I cried and have hated spiders ever since. Strangely though I like Daddy Long Legs and can just about bear tarantulas. House spiders or anything in the house that just appear out of the blue around the house.

Sound - Since I bust my left ear drum I have tinnitus making it hard to hear things in a conversational environment, but also if I am alone in the sitting room, working on the iMac, walking in the dark or just laying in the dark my hearing on my left side shuts down and only comes on when something is close enough or loud enough to make a noise, this then makes me jump. I maintain that I could sit in the world's most haunted place and, as long as I could not hear anything I would be happy. In addition to the problem of sound scaring me some music I listen to makes me jump. I hate music that has a pause of around 10 seconds as my issue of not being able to hear correctly makes my brain work hard to adjust to not hearing anything, so if a song seems to have ended then kicks in again, I will jump out of my skin.

Being alone - I hate being alone but at the same time love going to France, speak nothing but French and be by myself. 




Big Bird - I used to have nightmares about Big Bird from Sesame Street. I used to think that he was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs at my old house ready to get me. This happened until I was about 10 years old! I am not ashamed to admit this as my fear was real!

Sooty & Leo the Cats - We had an old family cat called Sooty, she was also known as Fat Cat, we also had a cat called Leo. They both used to sit on the window board of the window at the top of the stairs. I used to think that they were going to grab my head with their claws as I walked down the stairs. This coupled with Big Bird waiting to ambush me made for colourful ways of getting downstairs unnoticed by my fears.

Thundercats - I used to love watching Thundercats as a little chap, so much so that I asked to have my bedroom decorated in Thundercats wallpaper. My mum and dad did this for me. I could not wait for it to be finished, but when it was I slept in it for one night and had nightmares so let my kid sister have the bigger room. I then slept in the smaller room because I was too scared to stay in my newly decorated room. 

















Minks - This one I am kind of embarrassed to say about but will any way. When I was a lot younger (26....jokes) I was told by Terri Cuddington and Hayley Lambert that Minks were little angry people that would try and eat your legs and fishing bait when you ere fishing and that minks would fight dogs and cats. I lived a stones throw from the River Medway and went fishing with my dad a lot of the time, sometimes by myself. I have no idea why I believed them as they are/were common and I am not. But I really did believe that Minks were little people who ere incredibly violent and wanted to eat people.

Pikes - As I fished a lot with my dad I always prayed I never caught a Pike. They scare me. Even to this day if I go fishing I hope I do not catch on as, to me and probably me only, they are very human-like. If you ever see one swimming whilst you are walking along a river they look like they are stalking you and want to eat you. I have been sat at a fishing swim and had a Pike swim past my keep net eyeing up my fish. I hit the water with my landing net only for the pike to look at me as if to say..."what are YOU going to do about it, I will eat you next!" I have never, and will never want to catch a pike, although I have nearly caught on accidentally, luckily it was foul hooked and got away. Phew!

I am a big baby, frightened of so much, I am a lover, not a fighter, Put me in the coward category if you will!

These time they are a changing

What to write about today?

I shall write about................................

The Weather

A typically British thing to talk about, but I shall talk about it nonetheless. Being 5'7"ish, 5'8" on a good day, large and covered in what can only be described as fur I do not like the hot weather. I like the sun, no in fact I LOVE the sun I just hate the heat. So waking up today to a super fresh morning but bright blue skies and the sun shining proudly was lovely. Ideally it should be about another 10 degrees cooler and just as bright for me to be in my perfect climate.

My Favourite seasons in order and why:

(these views are based on actual seasonal weather, not some unnaturally hot spring or so on)

1st Place = Winter
I love waking up to fresh weather, clear skies, thick frost, snow. I love that first sniff of winter morning air, so cold it burns your nose. Skies crystal clear, speech punctuated with your breath as it warms the air! Trees and building decorated with frost and icicles glinting with sunlight. Wearing sweaters and scarves. The dance of the slippery asphalt as everyone starts walking like newborn deer learning to find their balance. I like how the black and white of bare trees is accentuated by the bright blue sky. The nights are darker but the moon ever present shines so brightly like a night light, a constant reminder that its brother, the sun, will be back in the morning.

2nd Place = Spring:- 

Much the same as above however the colours this time year are amazing. new growth, bursts of colour as new life springs into the flowers and hedgerows, how the grass is greener and breaks up the black and white of the late frosts. The sounds of the animals as they wake up and return to their everyday business, getting ready for next winter, a slog that seemingly never ends.

3rd Place = Autumn:- 

Another season of colour. Before the trees lose their leaves, the gold and brown hues they adopt, the winds, the rain, the sense that this is the season of cleansing, washing itself of the dryness and dustiness of Summer. The smell and sound of heavy rain pounding the already weakened leaves, wetting the dry ground. Walking home on the increasingly darker evenings, sitting with family as the winds blows a hooey outside. Eating stew and drying off in front of the fire, readying ourselves for winter.

4th Place = Summer:- 

Although last Summer is not actually that bad. The increasingly longer warmer, brighter days, sitting outside awash a wide array of summer colours, cooking food on the barbecue, sitting in the garden with friends till late at night as the sky turns a purple blue, the sun refusing to go down until the very last moment. Giving everyone a couple hours of not so complete darkness, rising again with vigour.

That is all,

Nufan

HEY! Whatsa Matter You!

I am so proud of my kid sister, Rusty. I am 29 this year and Rusty is 27, not much difference in age, but quite different people.

She is totally awesome. I won't go in to the details of her job, but I can tell you I am incredibly proud of what she does and how she does it and certainly respect and admire when others don't.

I had a barbecue at home last Sunday, my little bear was running around the garden, I was cooking the food on the braai and every now and then Nix would take over cooking duties as I would get dragged away by the little bear shouting "Daddy ook, ook" I trusted that she wanted to show me something amazing, but no. I was tickled to the floor and beaten up by my 26 month old daughter. She then proceeded to run away, turn on a sixpence and come haring back and dive on me, knocking the wind right out of me. It reminded me of when my brother, sister and I fought my father in the kiddies dining room at home. My sister nonchalantly pulled out a chair, climbed up it and went to jump on my father from a great height. To screams of NOOOO!!!! she dismounted and joined in tickling him.

My sister went to Dave Keefes, James Stones and other friends house and asked me to pick her up late one night. She was over an hour late and so very very drunk. I threw her in the back of the car and heard some random drunk rambling coming from behind the drivers seat. 

Rusty: "I reeble ink olling free nick"
Me: "Huh!?"
Rusty: "I reeble ink olling free nick"
Me: "What!?"
Rusty: "I reeble ink olling free nick"
Me: "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!?"
Rusty: "I think I am going to be sick" 
Me: (angrily) " F**K SAKE, Can you hold it?!
Rusty: ".................yes"
*Silence*
Rusty: "...................I've been sick..................sorry"

I wiped up as much as I could and gave her some of my clothes to wear for the remainder of the journey, looking back it was really quite funny. I just cannot wait for her to start driving so I can return the favour.

I also remember working in Canterbury super early on morning and listening to the radio. I heard Stephen Gately of Boyzone fame had died. I stopped everything I was doing and called my parents and asked them to call Rusty and make sure she was ok and to look after her. I could not do it. I hate hearing my little sister cry. She is the strong one of the family.

My fathers uncle passed away and we all went to the funeral. Sitting on the pews somewhere near the back. The vicar invited everyone to the Spread Eagle pub to which my sister and I had to stifle a laugh and go back to looking all sad. 

My little sister is by far the emotionally strongest person I know, she is smart, kind and caring albeit we do sometimes fight like cat and dog. She is one of the only people I can actually trust and know what I say will be kept secret. 

Nufan

Hmmmmm......Feel worthless much?

Well now.

This is a story, all about how, my life got twist turned upside down.................

Some time ago I got approached, head-hunted if you will, by a company, not just any company, a GLOBAL consultancy company. For me mentally this was amazing, for my professional progression it could have been life changing. Here is what happened...........

I work for a building contractor in the UK. I started on site about 5 years ago as a broom sweeper, nothing flash. I hear about an office job coming up so thinking about the future and being the kind of person who wants to be the best they can be and constantly better than the next, I decided to go for it. 

I got the job and started work in the office as a Trainee Estimator/Surveyor. Time went by and I got better, more independent, yet still a Trainee and wanting a whole lot more. My job entailed phoning people, photocopying documents, filling out full Bills of Quantities, copying drawings, inputting data, donkey work. 

I was asked if I would like to Survey a small contract, of course I said yes, this was my chance to prove to everyone the desire and ability I had that was not being utilised. I snapped the opportunity up. I ran the whole contract through tender stage onto pre commencement, contract vetting, buying, surveying, contract and project management, final account settlement and even the snagging, which there was none; a few minor defects, but an overall success. 

Following this I was asked to carry on assisting in the estimating department but also assist in the surveying of three separate projects all of the same brief. The senior surveyor assigned to the contract change several times leaving me in charge for the most part. Eventually things settled down and again I was left on the sidelines. The contracts had a fair few hiccups and I, the Trainee Estimator/Surveyor, resolved them; I was calm when others were not, I was methodical when others were not, I was polite when others were not, but most importantly because of my attention to detail, methodical working and belief I was right when others were not. On handover, I was thanked,  the clients and their professionals remarked on how professional I was, how it was good to have worked with me and an asset I am to the company. During a conversation after practical completion someone referred to me as the Contracts Manager only to be told by others that I am only a Trainee Estimator/Surveyor. The silence held for what seemed like a long time broken by a "well you should be nothing less than a senior Contracts Manager and I am very impressed". Needless to say, I was a very happy man and hoped people would listen to this.........they did not.

I was approached around a year after completion by one of the professionals within the consultancy company. I met them with for a coffee, a proposal of a job offer was made, it was nothing firm but a provisional offer nonetheless. We chatted, I handed over my resume and waited to hear something. Something came, a firm intention from the company that they wanted ME to work for them. I could not believe it, it all seemed too good to be true. It was. I was asked what my salary expectations were. I worked out a figure and put it forward, I got a reply and was told that the figure was not what they were looking to pay. I lowered my pay expectation, but could not accept the offer that was made. If I had accepted I would have had to have driven from my place and across the county each morning working out at a negative figure. I tried to make the numbers work, but taking everything into consideration it just wouldn't. 

I emailed them again recently to discuss the situation and received a positive response, but still waiting for my dream job to appear if it ever will.

So I sit here, still copying documents, inputting data and everything else but I now have to cold call people and trawl the internet all the while an external labour agency has been brought in to do the same. What am I doing wrong?! 

In five years I have lost, my confidence, my desire, my goals. I am exactly where I was when I started only now know there is nothing to aim for in the company. I hate this, I live my life in 5 year goals. I was the kind of person who never wanted to settle for second best, who never had a 'that will do' attitude, who always wanted to be better themselves. 

Sorry this blog is a woe with me state of affairs and all about me. I just need to get it out as it is eating me inside. I'm not depressed, I am just downbeat about how someone like myself a optimistic goal driven person is now not even a 'has been', I seem to be a 'never was'

Nufan