Hmmmmm......Feel worthless much?

Well now.

This is a story, all about how, my life got twist turned upside down.................

Some time ago I got approached, head-hunted if you will, by a company, not just any company, a GLOBAL consultancy company. For me mentally this was amazing, for my professional progression it could have been life changing. Here is what happened...........

I work for a building contractor in the UK. I started on site about 5 years ago as a broom sweeper, nothing flash. I hear about an office job coming up so thinking about the future and being the kind of person who wants to be the best they can be and constantly better than the next, I decided to go for it. 

I got the job and started work in the office as a Trainee Estimator/Surveyor. Time went by and I got better, more independent, yet still a Trainee and wanting a whole lot more. My job entailed phoning people, photocopying documents, filling out full Bills of Quantities, copying drawings, inputting data, donkey work. 

I was asked if I would like to Survey a small contract, of course I said yes, this was my chance to prove to everyone the desire and ability I had that was not being utilised. I snapped the opportunity up. I ran the whole contract through tender stage onto pre commencement, contract vetting, buying, surveying, contract and project management, final account settlement and even the snagging, which there was none; a few minor defects, but an overall success. 

Following this I was asked to carry on assisting in the estimating department but also assist in the surveying of three separate projects all of the same brief. The senior surveyor assigned to the contract change several times leaving me in charge for the most part. Eventually things settled down and again I was left on the sidelines. The contracts had a fair few hiccups and I, the Trainee Estimator/Surveyor, resolved them; I was calm when others were not, I was methodical when others were not, I was polite when others were not, but most importantly because of my attention to detail, methodical working and belief I was right when others were not. On handover, I was thanked,  the clients and their professionals remarked on how professional I was, how it was good to have worked with me and an asset I am to the company. During a conversation after practical completion someone referred to me as the Contracts Manager only to be told by others that I am only a Trainee Estimator/Surveyor. The silence held for what seemed like a long time broken by a "well you should be nothing less than a senior Contracts Manager and I am very impressed". Needless to say, I was a very happy man and hoped people would listen to this.........they did not.

I was approached around a year after completion by one of the professionals within the consultancy company. I met them with for a coffee, a proposal of a job offer was made, it was nothing firm but a provisional offer nonetheless. We chatted, I handed over my resume and waited to hear something. Something came, a firm intention from the company that they wanted ME to work for them. I could not believe it, it all seemed too good to be true. It was. I was asked what my salary expectations were. I worked out a figure and put it forward, I got a reply and was told that the figure was not what they were looking to pay. I lowered my pay expectation, but could not accept the offer that was made. If I had accepted I would have had to have driven from my place and across the county each morning working out at a negative figure. I tried to make the numbers work, but taking everything into consideration it just wouldn't. 

I emailed them again recently to discuss the situation and received a positive response, but still waiting for my dream job to appear if it ever will.

So I sit here, still copying documents, inputting data and everything else but I now have to cold call people and trawl the internet all the while an external labour agency has been brought in to do the same. What am I doing wrong?! 

In five years I have lost, my confidence, my desire, my goals. I am exactly where I was when I started only now know there is nothing to aim for in the company. I hate this, I live my life in 5 year goals. I was the kind of person who never wanted to settle for second best, who never had a 'that will do' attitude, who always wanted to be better themselves. 

Sorry this blog is a woe with me state of affairs and all about me. I just need to get it out as it is eating me inside. I'm not depressed, I am just downbeat about how someone like myself a optimistic goal driven person is now not even a 'has been', I seem to be a 'never was'

Nufan